Resolving Interpersonal Conflict

Being the only daughter and the youngest out of two children in the family, I am naturally very protected by my parents, in particular, my dad. Unlike my brother, I can hardly stay out late (past 12 midnight). However, once in a while, I will try to push the limit so that I can spend more time with my friends. Moreover, which young adult doesn’t stay out late?

There was once when my friends and I had a Christmas party at one of my friend’s place just 15 minutes’ drive away from my place. It was a gathering for our group of close friends whom I have known since my Secondary school days. Moreover, it was an especially joyous occasion since my best friend just came back from Australia for vacation. We hung out till around 4 am and I took a cab home with 2 of my friends who stayed near me.

However, I was shocked to find the door to my house locked from the inside. Luckily, my brother came to my rescue. My dad was waiting angrily for me at 4 am! He started giving me a dressing-down the moment I stepped in. Strong-headed like I always have been, I just ignored him and went ahead to wash up and sleep. I did not register anything that he said, let alone respond to him.

The next morning, I still treated him as though he was invisible. My mom, who usually acts as the mediator in the family, told me that my dad was only being protective of me. He dotes on me the most and was worried for me. In addition, he was also upset that I have not been spending much time with the family. She suggested that I apologize to my dad for her sake as she is, too, badly affected (emotionally) by the conflict. Being egoistic and stubborn, I disregarded what she said about my dad. However, I did apologize to my dad as I did not want to see my mom upset. He said nothing and everything kind of got back to normal the next day. I guess we both just decided to forget about the incident.

Looking back at this conflict that we had, I feel a little guilty for upsetting my parents. I came to realize that what my mom said about my dad was very true. However, if I were to turn back time, I would have still hung out late with my friends as it was really a rare chance for everyone to be present. Moreover, the activities that I engaged in had no form of indecency involved. In fact, my parents knew of my friends a long time ago.

However, I could have handled the issue more appropriately and sensitively so that a conflict could have been avoided. I had only informed my mom about me staying out late, but not my dad. My dad is very protective of me and always sees me as his baby girl. I could have assured him of my safety by telling him in detail who, where and what the gathering was about. This could have been especially helpful as he may have had a hard week at work and me being his precious daughter, was not there to show him some love and concern. By letting him know that I respect him and see him as being important to me, he may be more understanding and agreeable of me staying out late. At the same time, I could have negotiated an appropriate time to be home so that my dad can keep track of my whereabouts.

If the conflict had really been unavoidable, I should also not have approached it in the way that I did. I was too hot-headed and irrational at that moment. Emotions and ego took the better of me and I just did not want to lose out. This is a part of my personality which I 'inherited' from my dad, which is not exactly a good thing. I should have cooled down and be more rational and sensitive. It was also essential that I pay attention to what he said like what an active listener will do.

The conflict is actually a blessing in disguise as I have learnt to appreciate and treasure our family harmony more now (which I am sure my dad feels the same).

If you were in my shoes, and were given a chance to turn back time, would you still have made the same decision as I did? If yes, how would you have approached the situation so that harmony can be maintained?

My lovely family (:

Effective Communication - Part of Everyday Life

Imagine an entire day without any form of communication with anyone. Alright fine, I cannot even bring myself to imagine that situation occurring for half a day!

Communication is part and parcel of everyone's daily life. An eye contact, a nod of acknowledgement, a smile, a frown, a simple greeting and the list goes on. These are all forms of communication, both verbal and non-verbal. Different communication channels have also become so integrated into our lives that, at many times, i feel uncomfortable and insecure without them. SMS (short message service), electronic mail, online messaging, telephone and face-to-face interaction are some of the communication channels that I cannot live without. Take my mobile phone away from me for a day and I will feel so cut-off from the world. Remove the Internet connection in my house and I will feel lost the entire time I am home.

In fact, we were enrolled into the 'communication course' since the day we were born. We started off with our first cry, then picking up the ability to listen and understand simple words and gestures and followed by learning to speak through imitating and repeating. Subsequently, we were being taught the skills of reading and writing. Yet, the issue is not about how much we learn to communicate, but about whether we learn to communicate effectively or not.

If equipped with effective communication skills, strong family ties may be forged. Common issues such as generation gap may be bridged by successfully overcoming barriers like language differences between the grandmother and the granddaughter (use of dialect and English respectively). At the same time, our communication networks of friends, schoolmates and teachers may aid us in our growth as an individual, our schoolwork, as well as in our future endeavors. In one year's time as I graduate and enter the workforce, written skills such as resume writing can serve to leave a positive first impression, hence increasing the chances of attaining the job.

Quoting from Anthony Robbins, "To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others". Notice the mention of two parties in the quote. Effective communication takes the effort of both parties. In order for the message to be brought across from the speaker to the receiver without misinterpretation, the speaker would have to use the right words in the right tone, while the receiver would have to play an active listening role. Hence, in effective communication, it is not just about talking and not listening. Active listening is an essential component which many of us overlook, including me.

Without active listening, miscommunications may arise between family or friends, causing strains in relationships; instructions passed down by the laboratory teaching assistant may be missed out or misinterpreted, resulting in laboratory accidents; jobs allocated by the boss could be done in an undesired manner, leading to a possible demotion, etc. In short, active listening affects every phase and aspect of our lives. This hence explains the importance of effective communication as well.

That's all for my post #1! I hope I have managed to communicate effectively in one way or another. Do feel free to comment or clarify if I have failed to convey the message clearly. (:

Laters!

*jiahwa